Whack-A-Mole is Better with Friends

I just wanted to take a minute to say something.

I've been struggling lately with a lot of different things. Nothing really serious, but just issues that continue to pop up again and again like a twisted game of Whack-A-Mole. It seems like no matter how hard I play, there's always another ugly little mole popping its head up, just when I thought I had it under control.

There have been moles of unexplained sadness, moles of doubt. Moles of spiritual emptiness, isolation, and unfulfilled longing. Moles of not feeling well and not knowing what's wrong.

Freaking moles. All over the dang place.

I hate them.

This is a hard game to play. I've never had very good hand-eye coordination.

Something woke me up last night and I ended up unable to get back to sleep for a while. I wasn't feeling great. My stomach was off yesterday (after lunch at my most favorite place, which just makes me sad) and frankly, I've been tired of the fighting stupid moles all the time. I felt so, so tired. And alone. And desperate for relief.

A thought occurred to me.

Maybe I should share what I have been going through. I've been trying to bash down the Mole of Isolation a lot lately, but it keeps popping up. And it is lonely. I'm tired of being alone.

I decided to take a chance and confide in some people that I care about, explain what's been going on.

I was scared to be vulnerable. I was afraid of telling the people I care about that I am having a hard time. I don't want to upset anyone. I tend to be a person that brings laughs. I like that about myself. I like to laugh and make others laugh too. So it was a little scary to tell my friends that I'm struggling. I wasn't sure how they would react.

I am so glad that I did.

It felt...like a weight had been lifted.

My friends are so, so caring. They are such lovely people. I can't believe it took me so long to become vulnerable. I think that I have been withdrawing, unconsciously, for a while. I don't want to do that anymore. That's not me.

So that's the truth. I am struggling with some things. Some days I feel great, I've whacked all the moles, and I am winning the game and tickets are flying out of the machine faster than I can fold them. Other times, I feel overwhelmed, like the damn mallet is broken and all of the moles popping up simultaneously arnd just leering at me. I am having a bit of a hard time.

It feels good to say that. To admit it. To come clean, to be vulnerable. It's scary, but it's good.

I know I am not alone. I guess part of me always knew that, but by intentionally reaching out to my friends, I was reminded that they really are always there for me.

It feels...like I've passed out the Whack-A-Mole mallets so that they can help me with this stupid game.

And you know what that's like, right?

When you're playing Whack-A-Mole and then your friend comes up and starts helping you by pummeling the moles with their hands? So that you are both working together, helping each other to beat the moles?

You can get so many more of the little buggers that way.

The game gets so much easier.

The same is true for life. For struggles.

You can do it alone, probably. You might be able to get by. Maybe you've got quick reflexes.

But it is so, so much easier and so, so much lovelier to allow others to come alongside you and help you when you need it. To share your struggles, your vulnerabilities. To lean on the people you care about.

So, my friends, I am holding out a mallet for you. Thank you for taking it, and helping me with the moles. I love you. I don't know where I would be without you.

Please know that I am always here for you as well.

My reflexes aren't great, but I'm ready to help you take a whack at your struggles in return.

We've got this.

Together, we can make it through this.

An Excess of Noise and Activity

I haven't written in a while! Life has been crazy- busy and noisy. The thought of writing something coherent has exhausted me.

This past week has been a real blur between Tim starting a new position at his company and having several evening obligations, a few of us having a random, short-lived stomach bug, me subbing, the girls having lots of activities, and just life screaming back into action after the break of Christmas.

I loved having some down time for Christmas. We spent days in our pajamas eating Oreo balls and watching TV. It was relaxing, but by the time it was over, we were all antsy ready to get back to the grind. I guess we maybe hit the ground running a little too fast, because this week has been exhausting.

I've made a few observations of activity level and how the family functions.

When we don't take the time to rest, we end up running on fumes. When we run on fumes, we aren't our best selves. I end up shouting more or attempting to hide in the bathroom more than necessary and the kids end up in tears over little things (such as a toilet paper tube boat and the last few notes of "My Bonnie") and in general, ugliness comes out.

When our days are filled with nonstop action and noise, we get so run down that we can't fully function anymore. We fall apart. We eat poorly. We don't keep up with the dishes, laundry or other household chores. Some of us suck our thumbs constantly. Others of us spread out every single item we own in a thin layer atop the carpet without actually playing with anything. Tim just looks tired. It's not the prettiest picture.

Despite running around like a chicken with its head cut off, I've found myself staying up way too late each night this week in pursuit of peace and quiet. The cycle is vicious. I stay up late reading or watching TV and enjoying my quiet alone time, which leads to me not getting enough sleep, which leads to me being grumpy the next day, and the whole thing repeats.

I'm going to attempt to slow things down next week. I'm going to try to keep us home a bit more so we can focus on the important things. I'm going to try to give myself time for a cup of coffee and a breather each afternoon so that I won't stay up so late. I'm going to get enough sleep so that I have the energy to get to work on the 3 or more blog posts I've been putting off for weeks!

Being busy is good. It is good to be active and involved and to spend time in meaningful activity. It is not good to be so busy that you can't function. Rest and time to process life are essential to sanity.

I think I'm going to pursue sanity a little bit harder.

This post was brought to you by coffee and an extremely helpful cat. 

Note: As I finished writing this post, Tim walked in the door two hours early- he's off for the rest of today as well as Monday. Thank you, Dr. King! Let the pursuit of peace begin.

December & January Goals

Well, we're six days into January and I decided that I might as well set some goals for the month. I still feel up in the air about where I want this year to go...but that's fine. I don't have to try and plan an entire calendar year. I can just throw some goals out for the next few weeks, and see what happens. 

I'm not really a New Year's Resolution kind of person, because I feel like it's really easy to burn out. Changes always come up. Things never go as planned. So I am going to continue to take things in smaller chunks. 

But first, I want to reflect on how things went in December.

When I set goals for December, I sort of ignored the fact that the month included a major holiday. THE major holiday. Oops. So I didn't hit everything I was aiming for, because I was busy shopping and wrapping and such on top of everything else. Anywho, here's how I did.

Read four books this month - Check. Along with finishing a couple HP books, I really enjoyed Sea of Tranquility (read it in a day) and Year of Yes was quite inspiring. I recommend both. 

Complete one audiobook - I listened to Will Grayson, Will Grayson. I enjoyed it. I don't think it would have been quite as good as a paperback. The narrators really added something. 

Take a drive with the kids to go see Christmas lights - Check. It was nice enough to walk around the park too. 

Have a movie night with a friend - This was a blast and I am hoping it becomes a regular thing!

Earn my orange belt in karate - Found out on Monday that both Lexi and I got our orange belts. Woo!

Finish Lexi's 2nd Grade Reading program - We finished on Dec 23rd and started the 3rd grade program this morning. 

Complete five pages in my gratitude journal each week - I got pretty close on this. 



Help Lexi learn her music notes - I found some handouts to help with this and passed them off on my mom, the piano teacher ;)


Publish a Faces of Homeschooling post each week - I skipped one week but ended up with 4.

Participate in some kind of service project before Christmas - Um, I donated some money to a service project?

Complete Walking at Home DVD three days per week - I did several of these but not 3 per week. 

Take each girl on another Mother/Daughter date - I took Lydia to the book store alone...

Host a family game night and invite siblings to come - We played games on Christmas but otherwise ran out of time. 

Complete one Spielgaben activity with Lydia each week - I think we did a couple? This is a hard one. 

Go on a date with my husband - We both agreed we just wanted to stay home and read/stare at screens. We watched some stuff together, if that counts. I'm going to say that kind of counts. 

Finish reading "On Writing Well" - I got 1/3 done and then the library demanded it back, with holds. Crap. It's not the kind of book you can fly through. It's the kind of book you can refer to over and over, so I might buy it. 

Reach Fit Bit goal four days per week - Haha. 

Complete Metabolic Aftershock two days per week - Yyyyeah...about that...

Get the cats to STOP pooping in the basement!! - This is driving me CRAZY. I have deep cleaned the litter boxes, used Cat Attract litter, changed them more frequently, and sprayed each place they poop. Still happening. 

Write an average of 5 posts per week - I wrote 11 for the month...

Write one Homeschooling is for Crazy People post - I have a draft!

Look for other places to submit my work - I kinda stopped caring ;)

So, as you can see, I kinda missed the mark a bit in December. I'm okay with that. I'm human. It has given me a lot to think about as far as where I want to be. I think I am going to go with fewer goals this month in hopes of reaching more of them. I'm on the quest to develop some good routines this year, so I may as well try some things out and see. 

January Goals

Personal

Read five books this month

Go on a date with my husband

Watch at least one Star Wars movie

Come up with some way to connect with God regularly

Wellness

Eat a nutritious lunch most days

Walk with a friend at least once per week

Do a Walk at Home DVD or play Just Dance each week

Family & Friends

Take Lexi on a Mother/Daughter date

Invite people over for dinner and/or games

Talk to the vet about the stupid cats pooping in the basement

Figure out a way to better organize the girls' rooms

We need places to put things. 

I am watching you, Cats. I will WIN. 

Homeschool

Figure out something consistent to do with Lydia

Do an Art Lesson each week

Be more diligent about Lexi practicing piano

Writing

Write, in some form, every day

Finish & publish the Faces of Homeschooling posts I have lined up

~~~~

So that's where I'm at for January! We will see how it goes!

Do you have any goals for the year? Or month?

 Do you do New Year's Resolutions? 

Crossroads

I haven't written in a while!

Well, that's not entirely true. I haven't written in the blog in a while. I've been writing regularly in a journal though. I got new pens and a new notebook and a new writing game for Christmas. That should explain things ;)

I have been meaning to write about my December and January goals...but I haven't. Mostly because I can't decide what I want my January goals to be. I feel quite up in the air. I don't want to make arbitrary fitness or writing goals that I can't keep up with. I feel like I need to be more purposeful. I don't like doing things for the sake of doing things.

I'm at a point where I'm feeling a little motivated to make a change to my eating and exercise, but I can't decide how to go about it. I want to find something I can stick to.

Same with writing. I enjoyed the 30 Day Challenge, but then I fell off in December. I enjoyed the Faces of Homeschooling posts, but then I started running low on unique people willing to share their stories. I got a little tired. I'm not feeling particularly creative or inspired. I've been contemplating lots of thoughts and ideas that are private, so I've been journaling. Plus, like I said, new pens.

I think I want to write every day, in some way, shape or form. I know I don't want my blog to be strictly homeschooling, and that's kind of where it started leaning. I need to write to process thoughts, but I don't necessarily need to publicize each thought that I have either.

I'm feeling very contemplative. I'm in kind of a limbo. How to proceed? Where do I want to go? What will 2016 look like for me?

I know a few things. I want to read voraciously. I want to write passionately. I want to feel God in my life again. I don't want to be fat. I know that's blunt, but it is what it is. I'm not even saying I want to eat super healthfully or exercise regularly. Right now I'm not sure which one I want to adjust first- diet or exercise. But I know that sitting on my butt eating Christmas cookies is not the way to proceed ;)

So, I guess that's where I am right now. At a crossroads. I feel like I'm perhaps setting out on a journey at the start of this new year. There are definitely plenty of pathways I can take. I'm just a little uncertain where to go, and how to get there.