My Stupid Mouth

I have a giant book of CDs. Inside it are basically all of the CDs I've owned over the course of my life, excluding those that are crammed in the storage console of my old car. When I'm driving, I always have music going. I flip through all of the radio stations I have programmed and if there is nothing satisfactory playing, I'll switch to a CD. The girls and I have been listening to Taylor Swift excessively so I decided to dig through my giant CD book and add a few new ones to the smaller CD book I keep in the car. 

While flipping through, I found gems such as the soundtrack to the 1989 Ghostbusters II movie, Ace of Base's Cruel Summer, as well as burned copies of Jewel's Pieces of You and Survivor by Destiny's Child. I grabbed these and a few more, including John Mayer's Room for Squares, which I have zero recollection of purchasing. 

I popped in the John Mayer CD while grocery shopping and was delighted when the third track, My Stupid Mouth, began playing. I had completely forgotten about this super relatable song. 

Take a listen and see if it speaks to you. 

The next time I had the kids in the car, I played it for them, telling Lexi, my 7-year-old, that I could really relate to it because I have a tendency to say dumb things. The song got to the part where John sings, "I'm never speaking up again, starting now," and Lexi said to me, "Mom, you're supposed to stand up for what you believe in. Even if people don't like it."

Whoa.

Wisdom dropped from the mouth of a child. I love that she knows it is important to stand up for what you believe in. She's right, of course. I'll have to teach her the fine art of knowing when to speak up because it's important and worth it and when to keep quiet because the context is wrong. I'm still learning to walk that line myself.

I find that I tend to oscillate between bravely speaking my mind and keeping my mouth shut for fear of being rejected or offending someone. It can be hard to know what to say and when to say it. I am lucky enough to have some friends that I can be 100% real with, without fear, and I think that's what keeps me going. So thanks, you guys.

There's a line in the song that pops into my head from time to time.

"One more thing

Why is it my fault?
So maybe I try too hard
But it's all because of this desire
I just want to be liked
I just want to be funny
Looks like the joke's on me
So call me captain backfire"

I do want to be liked. I do hope to be funny. I am me.

I'll probably spend the rest of my life adjusting and readjusting the filter between my brain and my mouth in order to find that perfect balance between standing up for what I believe in and making a fool of myself.

That's just who I am.

I won't apologize for that.