Night Wonderings

It is 5:24AM and I am awake.

I am not a morning person, so this is not intentional.

I went to bed shortly before midnight. Around 3:45, I woke up and heard some scuttling noises indicating that a child was up and using the bathroom. For some reason, I could not get back to sleep.

I got up and saw that a crack of light under Lexi's door, so I went into her room. She was sitting on her bed, examining her toe by the light of her reading lamp. Apparently she got up to go to the bathroom but her toe was hurting a lot.

It looked like a hangnail/someone possibly biting their toenails (ew) situation, so I got her a bandaid and wrapped it around the offending toe. She then told me that she is too cold with the fan on but too hot with the fan off. I helped her change out of the Christmas sweater she decided to wear to bed and into a t-shirt instead. Then I tucked her back in and made a mild threat about how I do not want to see light under her door in the middle of the night anymore.

She went back to sleep and I proceeded to lay in bed and think all of the things.

I guess I am not going to sleep any more tonight, or should I say this morning.

So here I am.

I threw a load of hand towels and napkins into the washing machine, sent an email I've been meaning to write for a while, and turned on the lights on the Christmas tree.

Since the middle of the night/early morning is the perfect time for insomnia-induced self-reflection, here goes.

I haven't been doing well with my goals this month.

My goal was to write five posts per week, and I have written about one per week.

My goal was to do a work out video two days per week and a walking video three days per week.

I have not done a work out all month and it has been weeks since I have done a walking video at all.

Normally, I would just cut myself some slack. It's December. Christmas is nearly here. It's a busy time.

But.

I haven't been feeling great. I've been feeling kind of slumpy and irritable still.

I wonder if it's because I have not gotten enough (any) real exercise.

I wonder if it is because I haven't taken the time to write and process my feelings as much as I need to.

Perhaps I need to start eating meals that include more nutritious items than ramen noodles.

I need to take better care of myself. I do!

There have been a few times that I have wanted to write, but I've not had the time to create or edit graphics, so I have refrained.

Pictures are nice, but writing is good for me, and I need to do it even when it looks raw and messy and without an accompanying photo.

I'm going to write more.

I need to exercise more. I think it would do me good to get outside and walk, even if it is a little cold. It's been tricky to do this because I don't like walking in the dark and it is dark by the time Tim gets home from work.

Too bad.

I need to move anyway.

I am going to exercise more.

I need to find some warm, filling, nutritious meals that I can look forward to this winter. Easy things, that I will actually make and eat.

I am going to look up some recipes. If you have any, please share them in the comments.

When I was a kid, I could not sleep at all on Christmas Eve. I was up most of the night, my stomach a ball of excited nerves. I couldn't wait to get downstairs and open presents.

When I heard Lexi stirring a few hours ago, I was afraid that she was having the same problem I used to have. Excitement induced, holiday-specific insomnia. It would only be fair.

I once woke my parents up at 2AM on Christmas morning because I was too excited to sleep.

Sorry Mom and Dad.

Lexi's night waking and toe injury seem like no big thing compared to what I used to put my parents through.

Plus, it gave me the opportunity to reflect and get some laundry done.

I am going to try to take better care of myself.

Perhaps I will start by going back to bed.

You can be good at some things and you can not be good at some things.

There are times when I look at my 4-year-old daughter and wonder what is going through her head.

Sometimes, when upset or confused by something she has done, I ask, "What were you thinking?"

I decided to get some perspective by interviewing her. I think I should make a habit of this. I'll include my 7-year-old too. Maybe I'll have her write her own post sometime.

She is a morning person, I am not. She wakes me up with her friends :)

Tell me about yourself.

Well, I really like screen time and I'm always hungry and thirsty.

What do you do?

Well, I love to go to Park Day. Also, my name is Lydia. In case you put it on Facebook, people might not know my name.

What are you looking forward to?

Getting more allowance.

What are your strengths? (I had to explain that this meant things she is good at)

I'm good at doing somersaults. I'm also good at going potty.

What are your weaknesses?

I'm not good at doing a cartwheel. I can only do it like this. Miss Molly taught me. (demonstrates an attempted cartwheel).

What do you love?

I love bird cats. Fairy mermaid magic princesses.

What scares you?

Tarantulas.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I'm going to be an artist painter. Are those the same thing?

Who do you think should be president?

Whoever the president is. I've never met the president. I think Mommy should make all the rules.

What makes a good leader?

Mommy makes a good leader of the Homeschooling School. She tells everyone to do the right things.

What is the most important thing?

I think God and Jesus because they're the most powerfullest.

Where do you want to be?

In the jungle with my family.

Why do people get married?

Because then they have children and can be together.

Why do people have kids?

Because they just have kids when they get married.

When should people get married and have kids?

Whenever it's morning because then everyone's awake and comes to the wedding day.

What's it like to be 4?

You can be good at some things and you can not be good at some things.

What is Dad's job?

To be at work.

What is Mom's job?

To be a writer.

I was surprised with how she answered that last one. I thought she would say that my job is to take care of her, or be the teacher, or something. It makes me feel warm that she thinks my job is to be a writer. I wouldn't want to let her down. I will continue. 

This post is part of the 30 Day Challenge.

Why do I buy my kids toys?

This mess afforded me several hours of peace and quiet.

Why do I continue to buy toys for my kids? Seriously though.

A box from Amazon arrived on the porch the other day. It actually contained a couple of birthday gifts for my eldest. It was a nice sized box. I envisioned myself using it to carry food to a family with a new baby, or to pack full of gifts to take to my family's house on Christmas. So I tossed it down the stairs and into the basement to save for later.

Then my 4-year-old discovered it and kidnapped it into her room. 

From there, she pulled the sides down and made it into a boat. She got out colored pencils and drew all over it. She filled it up with all the junk she keeps hoarded in her room. She spent hours playing with the box. She even invited me to play in her boat with her. 

I had to recycle the box. She'd smashed it all up and it took up 1/3 of the floor space in her room. I had cleaning to do. So I tossed it out.

Today, another couple of packages arrived. One of them had a great quantity of brown packing paper. Again, my child took off with it. She ran through the halls with it. The cats enjoyed the crinkling sound it made when they sat on it. I was going to save it because I might return something that came in the box, but Tim recycled it when he got home from work. 

We went to my parents' house for dinner and my girls, along with my niece, spent most of their time running around and playing with flashlights. They had a blast.

Which brings me back to my point. Why, why, why, do I keep buying toys?

Honestly, I don't even buy that many. My kid is getting one toy, some books, a chair and a game for her birthday. But somehow, they accumulate. Are they reproducing of their own accord now? They litter the house. Tiny pieces are spread all over. I do my best to get rid of toys and games that are broken or neglected. I've seen my friends' houses. I think we have less than most. Yet, I am overwhelmed.

My little one is the worst about it. She doesn't so much play as she spreads all her belongings all over the floor. Rather than playing with her dolls and dollhouse, she took each piece of furniture apart to, and I quote, "See what else I could make from it!" For. Real?!?

I request that you not buy my children anything for their birthday or Christmas. They'd be just as happy with a box, or a pencil. A flashlight, a book, or a long piece of paper. A hug.

I'm boycotting toys. Who's with me?

This post is part of the 30 Day Challenge.

5 Times Being a Parent Pays Off

I enjoy being a parent. There are hard times, don't get me wrong. There are times when I want to clock out, or fire myself. Most days are decent though. I like being home with my kids and I don't want that to change. But there are some instances when being a parent RULES and totally makes up for all the worry/exhaustion/annoyance/lack of sleep!

1. Halloween
Ever heard of the candy tax? That's when your kid collect a bucket of candy and you eat it while they sleep. As we were heading out to trick-or-treat, I told my youngest that I would be taking 30-50% of her candy because I'm her mom and I've earned it. Now don't think that I eat ALL of her candy, because that would be mean. I don't do that. I make sure to leave plenty of her favorites and eat mostly chocolate. And Swedish Fish. And Mike and Ike's. I love Halloween.

Come to me, sweet rewards!

2. Holidays in general, actuallyHolidays rock when you're a kid. Presents, food, cool decorations, fun traditions. They are a good time. Then you become a teen and you're in an awkward place where you want to participate but it might not be entirely socially acceptable. Then you become an adult without kids and some holidays become kind of a bummer. But having a kid makes holidays magical. The look on their faces on Christmas morning. Getting to be the one to hide eggs in really tricky places. Eating candy. That never gets old. Holidays with kids are awesome because their excitement totally rubs off. Don't forget to ask them what they are getting you for Christmas.

3. When you manage to teach your kid something cool. Kids are sponges, as the saying goes. Sometimes though, they manage to soak in something extra cool or something directly from you, and it feels really awesome when they show it. Like when my kid starts using a funny catch phrase she totally picked up from me, or, y'know, learns to read. Now that is awesome. It's amazing to watch them evolve into unique people with actual skills. My kid is learning to draw and she's actually good. I like to think she got some of that from me, either through genetics or because I sit down to draw a lot with them. Either way, I enjoy seeing my kids learn new skills.

I taught this kid to read and now she stays up late doing it!

4. When you need someone to geek out with.
Your kid loves you and thinks that everything you love is awesome by default. So when your spouse is tired of hearing you talk about Pokemon (here's looking at you, Tim!) your kid will be there to nerd out with you. When you need an excuse to re-read all of the Harry Potter books, just start reading them to your kid. Soon they will become a nerd just like you and you can enjoy it together.

5. When you need someone in your corner.
There are plenty of people out there that can make you feel like crap. Some days, you might replay a conversation in your head over and over again and feel like an idiot because of something you said. Sometimes, people out in your workplace or friend group just don't get you and it's a huge bummer. If you haven't tried venting to your kid yet, you need to. The other day I was upset by something that someone said to me and after being sad about it for a while, I told my oldest all about it. She cried with me and we talked about how it's important to be careful with what we say so we don't hurt others. She was totally in my corner, and I'm not going to lie, it felt great.

This cutie is 100% Team Mom

So, what do YOU think makes parenthood extra awesome?

This post is part of the 30 Day Challenge. 

Kickball

Today, I played kickball for the first time in years. I even got paid to do it. Surprisingly, this experience opened my eyes to some subtleties of human development that I was unaware of.

I substitute taught for the PE teacher of a Homeschool Enrichment Center. If you're new to the concept, it's a  small, low-key school that homeschooled children attend one day per week to enjoy things like art, music, PE and other subjects that are either tricky or just more fun to do in a group, while their parents get a break to run errands or binge-watch shows on Netflix.

In case you have been living under a rock, kickball is baseball except instead of hitting a small ball with a bat, you kick a large bouncing ball that someone rolls to you. I haven't played in years. I was never a big fan as a kid because I am extremely uncoordinated.

Today, I discovered that third and fourth graders are the best age for kickball. They all played, enthusiastically, and they could pitch their own balls, kick well, and run to all the bases. To be fair, I personally feel that third and fourth graders are some of the finest examples of humans. I love age 10. It's the age I would choose to teach if I had my own classroom. Ten-year-olds have mastered enough skills like reading and tying their shoes to be independent and have developed a sense of humor that make them fun to talk to, but are not quite the sassy know-it-alls that teens tend to be. It's a sweet spot. Wooo, fourth grade!

Fifth, sixth, seventh and eighth graders were the next best age for this game. They could play well, for the most part. Almost everyone participated. They actually had some ability. I told them we were going to play kickball and they set up the cones to mark the bases, kept track of the outs and the hits, and ran the game without any help from me. There were a few girls that didn't do anything in the outfield because it was boring, but when it was their turn to kick, they did so skillfully. One kid though. He refused to play altogether and sat in the shade complaining the entire time. He actually asked if I knew his mom's number because he was really tired of being there. This group was small and based on previous experiences with this age group, I feel that had there been more kids, I'd probably have encountered a few more that refused to play. It's frustrating.

The first and second graders...were okay. Some of them got it. Kick the ball and run. Some of them did not get it. Some of them did not kick the ball. Some of them kicked the ball and did not run. Some of them sat in the grass and played with leaves while the ball went sailing past them. Some of them sat out on the sides because they were tired or felt like it. They could not pitch, so I pitched it to all of them. I did a pretty consistent job, but some of them could not kick the ball, even when it was stopped. For the most part though, these kids tried, and I appreciated that.

Kindergartners though. They are lacking in the kickball department. Majorly.

Actually, I hate to say it, but I have to make this distinction. Kindergarten girls are terrible at kickball. I thought maybe it was just a kindergarten thing in general, but after watching both genders play...well...

There was a marked difference between the girls and the boys at this age, as much as I hate to admit it. I did not see that difference in ability between genders in the other age groups. The boys tended to be the ones keeping track of the score, but ability-wise, they were pretty evenly matched.

Except in kindergarten. The girls were up to "bat" first and their lack of skills was quickly apparent. The kindergarten girls could not kick the ball while it was moving. Even those that did manage kick it, did not kick it hard enough or far enough for any of the other children to retrieve. The boys in the outfield chased the ball down and attempted to tag the girls out with it. I don't think any girl made it past second base.

Then the boys were up to "bat". And they could all kick the ball. Far enough that it sailed over the heads of the girls sitting in the outfield paying absolutely no attention to the game. Some of the girls congregated around second base and talked while the game went on without them.

It was frustrating. And surprising.

I'm no athlete. I don't really care about sports in general. I was definitely the kid who let all the others cut me in line so I didn't have to kick the ball because I was afraid I'd mess up. I would find the least likely place for the ball to go in the outfield and stand there so that no one would depend on me for anything. So I was surprised with how frustrated I got with this experience. Part of the problem was developmental, I'm sure. And that's fine. But It did truly feel like some of the kids weren't listening, or even trying.

Kick the ball. Try again. Kick it. KICK IT. Good kick! Now run. RUN! RUN TO THE BASE! THE BASE! THAT CONE! Never mind. You're out.

I'd not had the experience of seeing the skills of different age groups in succession like this before. It was interesting to see how skills develop over time. I guess in a couple of years, those sweet, incapable kindergartners will be kicking and running like little pros. They'll pay attention, develop some coordination, and kick with purpose. Then they'll be agreeable ten-year-olds with some skills. And all too soon, they will become middle-schoolers. Maybe they will become the kind of middle-schoolers that jump in and do their best. Hopefully.

But some of them will probably be sitting in the shade. Refusing to play.

Asking to call their moms.

But then...

Maybe some little kindergartners don't receive the gift of coordination as they get bigger. Maybe they become agreeable ten-year-olds, but they never get the hang of kicking the ball and running the bases the way the other kids do. Perhaps not all middle-schoolers know how to play second base, or any position in the outfield beyond just standing there, picking at the grass.

Perhaps that's why there was a middle-schooler sitting in the shade, complaining the entire time. Refusing to play kickball.

 And maybe, just maybe, that's why he was asking to call his mom.